Letters to my Former Single Self #2- D.O.N.E.

Have I mentioned how much I like this link-up with Lisette?? It’s so out of the box for Valentine’s Day-so creative! I also love Lisette's blog-funny and refreshing. Go check her out!

Last week, I wrote about what lil’ Martha thought of love and romance. This week’s question is:

What did you think about dating and marriage the year before you met “the one”?

Dear Martha of 2009,

One of your very good friends from work was getting married to the love of her life. She was just 22 when she got married, but they had it together. Every time you saw the two of them together, it made you feel and believe in love. It was a refreshing glimpse into what real love is and should be.

You were in a relationship with a guy we’ll call Dan. We started seeing each other about a year or so earlier. He had it all-big house, nice car, a boat on Lake Norman, wealthy friends who I couldn’t stand... He was fun to be around, and you loved him.

Your friend’s wedding arrived. As you sat holding Dan’s hand in the church pew and watched your friend -so full of joy, love and happiness-walking towards her soul mate, it hit you (like a ton of bricks) that the man’s hand you were holding was a man who would never, ever marry you. You realized your relationship had become just a sham to him. He had already decided you weren’t marrying material; he just hadn’t let you in on that secret.

You were stunned at this realization, but deep down, you knew. You didn’t realize it then (or didn’t want to admit it), but his lifestyle, his values, and his wants weren’t in line with what you wanted.  He also barely tolerated (and totally misunderstood) your son’s mental illness…something you didn’t want to admit.

The relationship ended.

When it was done, you were done. As in D.O.N.E. You had been separated since 2005, divorced since 2007, and in two year-long at least relationships with men that you adored. And you couldn’t keep them. One left you, devastated, to go to Canada to seminary, and then Dan-well…he put on a good act. By this time, you figured it was you. You weren’t good enough-not special enough for anyone to stay for or accept or love no matter what.  On top of that,you knew your son’s illnesses were too much for any man, and you were going to be alone.

 Taken 

You never wanted to date anyone ever again, at least not seriously. You were tired of having your heart broken and tired of trying to maintain relationships that would never go anywhere.  You figured marriage was not in the cards, and that made you sad. But at 28, with two school age kids, one with mental illness, college loans, in a new place, and as much as you were working, you knew meeting a good man wasn’t going to happen.

No one wants that kind of baggage.

Taken

So a few months before you met Steve, a year before you got married, you were anti-marriage, anti-dating, and resigned to the fact that you weren't worth anyone’s time or affection. You were sad. And lonely.

I am so thankful that all changed the second you saw Steve the first time....and when you realized this:

Taken

Have a wonderful Friday, readers.

On a side  note, happy birthday to the love of my life...You are, without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to me. I would be lost, so very lost, without you.  Thank you for being the man you are. Can't wait to eat oysters with you on Saturday!